The other day I got an email from my LinkedIn account, asking me to congratulate a friend on thier new role. It seems like i'm getting that request almost weekly.
As Im in my 30s now it seems totally normal that the people circles around me are growing and progressing career wise.Its pretty awesome to see, the same people who shared picnic benches with me in high school, or club nights at uni are now big shots, managers, leaders and entrepreneurs in thier various fields.
I have to say I am a very career oriented person. Sometimes I feel like I should be saying ' I was a very career oriented person '. the duality of my feelings around everyday situations because i am now a mother confuses me regularly.
I am trying to ready myself to go back to work in September after a luxuriously long 1 year paid maternity leave (thanks to the wonderful Swedish government) I am still unsure how I feel about it all.
One the one hand , i am ready for that daily interaction with adults, for new mental challenges and baby-free lunch breaks :) on the other hand I am not ready for all that time away from my gorgeous girl. As a result i am inclined to negotiate shorter working hours, to NOT look for trainings or promotions that may result in me working longer hours which in turn means less mummy time.
When I looked at things ernestly, I realised I only want to pursue my career properly if I could be cloned so that no mummy time is lost!
Sadly we are not there yet scientifically so I just don't know how i am going to tackle this. I need the fullfilment I love from working but my heart is not quite ready for the realities of being a working mum.
Jul 13, 2014
I don’t keep up with celebrity news, but I was recently in LA where it seemed like there was very little other news!.. I read and watched over and over again, reports, articles, on newsfeeds, negative comments about Beyonce and Jay Z's little toddlers natural hair!.
It got me thinking for a while about something I have been meaning to blog about but never got around to.
Comments from the General public.. especially around our children’s' hair.
Somehow lately, it seemed we have given ourselves the right to comment about anything and everything, regardless. People tweet, facebook, blog, write articles about anything really and as a blogger I know how liberating it is to have a voice, however, like my mum and Thumper from Bambi say "if you cant say something nice, don't say nothing at all!."
This seems particularly pertinent when it comes to talking about other people’s children!
When my little girl was born, I had had dreadlocks for 7 years .On her first appointment with a midwife she was about 2 weeks old. I waddled my post caesarean self to the clinic and there met another mum in the waiting room. She stared at us for a little bit and when she was leaving she said
" your daughter has such gorgeous hair, unlike her mother"
You see this happened in Sweden but she spoke English to me so there was no misunderstanding. In my post morphine-no sleep state, I simply watched her leave, there were no words available right then to 'educate' this woman as a normal me would have lol!.
But anyway there you go , the hair comments had begun..it made me think.. and think again and soon after that I cut off my locks.
I didn’t cut them because of her, but I did cut them because I wanted my baby to see hair like hers in me, especially as we live in a place where she will stand out .
Now it’s been 10 months and I regret cutting my locks. I miss the simplicity and there is also the pretty obvious fact that like millions of other people with afro hair, we simply do not have the same type of hair. Just like I don't have my mother’s hair, my daughter does not have my hair.
Here is what hits home for me
1. The lady's comment probably hit harder as I was more vulnerable at the time feeling a fat, tired and unpretty, as you do those first few weeks. It is unacceptable to wrap a compliment in negative comment
2. Who gives us the right to comment!!!Hold it in, you never know how people will take it.
3. Children especially should be allowed to grow up free from judgement of that kind.
I often think of little Blue, who will grow up and see the media comments about her hair in a few years and just cut it all off! Who knows ???.. If we keep this up, we will give her a hair/body complex. I read a great article, finally saying it as it should be : Blue Ivy's Hair Sparks Ridiculous Change.Org Petition, And We're Disgusted
I am not naive, I know there are rude people out there but some comments make me wonder what we expect of the next generation. The internet has given us a voice, but that doesn’t mean all voices need to be heard. What do you guys think?
Jul 8, 2014
One thing i never considered was how i would get around with baby.. I knew there were super handy baby slings and the buggy of course and thats about it. i went round and round in my head about which carrier to buy and ended up with an ergo, a moby wrap, a reboso and a baby bjorn :) yes that many.. some were gifts though..i didn't go crazy I promise. Sadly what I couldn’t and didn't consider when getting a sling is how baby felt in it. some carriers she just loved from the go like the moby wrap however i just never could tie it around me fast enough! needless to say i gave up on that one. 90percent of the time we were in the ergo (see earlier post). The baby born we used once and gave up, she screamed , i got confused..the end. The reboso we loved but she is a wiggler..she moved in it so much i was worried she would tip right out of it. lol! So thats slings.. next came the buggy. hubby and I chose the Brio Smile without much consultation really. we like the wheels, the breaks, the storage it was great. Here is what we didn’t plan on. How we were actually going to get around.With the sling i almost always had baby in the front cause she was so little, it was comfortable and comforting. however its kinda like having your pregnancy belly back. there is a mini being in front of you that blocks your sight and your reach in a rather comical way.lets just say my agility and mobility were reduced for a bit, but your know what, its manageable and you get used to us. plus the older baby got , she could be on my hip or my back giving me almost 100percent control of our space together. The buggy: we had this lovely four-wheeler, we were quite excited to put baby inside and take her out. a simple walk is great but i greatly appreciated the shock absorbers because every bump gives you a minor heart attack ..especially when baby is getting some of the elusive sleep that everyone told me about. next we had to maneuver doing steps/stairs alone..which was hell..i never tried to lift the buggy by myself let alone doing it with my baby in it!!!. lucky for us in Stockholm most train stations have lifts or elevators but still the random staircase does creep up on you. then you have two choices, you can smile at the nearest stranger and ask for help or become She-Ra and lift that buggy up! ok the next terror are escalators.. i have never even thought about escalators, however once i stood in front of one with my buggy in front of me, my anxiety levels rose significantly. do i go buggy first or me first, i wasn't sure which way to go, i had seen people with buggys over their heads but i wasn't not sure that I strong enough..what if i tilt so fat and the baby falls out..ahhhhhhhh my midwife should have covered this on day one!!! lucky for me , i met my lovely friend K, at a mall for coffee early on and she gave me tips and showed me how, without her, I don’t know how I would have survived.. for new mommas out there, when going down an escalator, buggy first, then slightly tilt down with the weight of your body and your good to go. when going up, turn backwards literally with your back to the escalator and walk backwards onto escalator with baby in front of you. that way again your body is supporting the entire buggy weight. I have seen people have the buggy in front but then your buggy is above your head on the step in front of you and if like me you are a weakling, it will be an uncomfortable ride :D and here is my final travel anxiety, the bus! especially the bendy busses eurgh.. when baby was about 4 weeks old, i had her sleeping, strapped in her warm baby bed on the buggy and we got on the bus for a short ride. i parked her in nicely, brakes on and took the seat adjacent. and on the first tight swerve, my entire buggy tipped over. the buggy was face down on the ground. i will spare you the hysterics, i’m sure you can imagine,but i picked buggy up and Lord knows how but she was still snug, and asleep like nothing had happened in the little cosy bed thing.MIRACLE! the important thing to note is you need to park your buggy with the back against the rail. so you either get on the bus backwards or get on and turn buggy 360degrees so baby is facing you.. and you know those random straps or strings on the bus handrail. use them to tie your buggy to the rail and you should avoid what happened to me :D I learnt a lot traveling with my baby in town, and its an essential skill. It was important not to let the discomfort and anxiety keep you within the safety of your home . Getting out the house is really important for mama and babys' sanity so go on brave it!!